Family and Friends with unstable relationships ? Helping you deal with them.

In our world of family and friends, or maybe even in our own, there are, unfortunately, unstable “couples’ relationships, all around us. Ultimately often turning into D*I*V*O*R*C*E.

Do you often see, one of the persons, or maybe even both ?
* The culprit or the victim of unnecessary drama
* Totally traumatized or in shock over the entire situation
* Run over or taken advantage of by the other
* Continuously Victimization by verbal or physical abuse, which is truly, one in the same

As an outsider, looking in, do you ever wonder why you can fully see the situation at hand, even before it hardly begins ? Yet, this person who it involves is seemingly oblivious or makes excuses for it all ?

Do find yourself trying to for warn these folks, expressing valuable advice, only to watch them do the opposite ? Do you wish you didn’t have to feel “I told you so”, as you watch them experience the exact situation you had hoped to help them avoid ?

Amazing as it might be, there are those few folks who don’t actually see it coming or naïve to believe it could be happing to them. But realistically, many opt to keep on those blindfolds and leave in the ear plugs to their own picture (life). Their lack of predicting and accepting normal outcomes is due to the sand in their eyes or the self verbiage they are giving themselves.

I’m sure you’ve heard it all, but let's reminisce together over things we've heard …Oh …
* That won’t happen
* He/She would never do that to me
* He/she will see the light
* Tomorrow will be different
* He/she says he/she loves me
* This can’t be for real; I’ll wake up soon
* I don’t want to give up, cause they’ll soon see their mistake
* I don’t want to give up, cause this marriage is best for both of us
* I can’t make it on my own
* I don’t want to be alone
* I don’t like failing

You ask, so how can you help ? In reality, know that one can’t be helped unless they opt or take a part in helping themselves ! Not any different than a person wanting to loose weight or stop smoking !

As a coach, one would think my personal friends, experiencing hardships (even other areas of their life), would naturally jump on any advice I freely gave. WRONG. They seriously ignore me like your friends and family do you. When people are not “open” to what you have to say, they won’t hear you, no matter how blue you get in the face/no matter how much you preach, quote the bible, whatever !

Here’s my early age marriage story, which just could ultimately be a happy surprise if it worked for you too. More importantly, the idea of changing YOUR MINDSET; because you know, the only person you can really change is YOU.

My 1^st marriage, 35 years ago this past June, was a physically abusive (not verbal) marriage for me. I crazily followed him off to Alaska, cause he was in the Air Force.

Soon there, all the neighbors could easily hear the abuse. And then one night, a neighbor actually said a few magical inspiring words, which allowed me to let go, and finally decide to save myself (unfortunately, the dog didn’t make it out alive).

Those dramatically words were, “You’re still here, so you must love it”. I quickly said, “No I don’t like the hitting !”. Her response back, “Your staying here actually speaks louder than these words coming out of your mouth ! “. Weee, Wow, Ouch, oh no you didn’t say that … Yet luckily for me … AN AWAKENING !

That moment, I decided, I would rather be a failure in marriage and start all over, than ultimately go without proving HER WRONG, that “I liked it” ! The dog didn’t make it out alive, but I soon high-tailed it back to ol’ Virginie ! (I truly wish I knew who and where this woman was, to personally thank her).

If you’ve yet to experience or leave an abusive marriage, or quickly got out one that you soon learned was wrong, Please know, leaving a marriage takes strength ! The best you can do for family and friends is to help them build their strength or just loan them some of yours !

Actually suggest they go to a coach or counselor, even before it all comes down ! Yet don’t be insulted when they look at you strangely for your suggestion. Remember, when one is not “open” to listening, they will naturally tell you they don’t need it, when in fact, they need it the most. And those who want to help themselves will actually move forward with your idea !

Today I laugh … And unless your personal fears are holding you back, WHY NOT say “You must love it” !  It worked on me (I use it).

PS.  Family members and friends ... When someone is going through something like a separation or divorce, they do actually need "time" to grieve; time to be angry, time to hurt; and even repeat it's self (natural stages of grief).   However, for YOU, as the onlooker >>> If you notice, over and over again, they continue to choose to hurt themselves or opt to be down in the dumps ... Know, that some individuals truly thrive on torture ... Being sad/depressed !  They may even possibly know no other life; believe this is the way it is to be.  If they don't choose to help themselves >>> For YOUR SAKE >>> Know when to let go and just allow them to be their own choices !  And yes, I realize more serious things could possibly happen to them.  How can you stop it unless you with them every moment ! 


Most stories/articles inspired by real situations !

Coach Vivian, specializing in pre-separation, separation, pre-divorce, divorce, pre-dating, dating, and victimization (spousal battering).






　
　

Is it truly love ? Is it actually control ? Is there a fine line or is there specifically a distinct difference ?

"Love is the irresistible desire to be desired irresistibly." Robert Frost.

Love … An emotion, most humans hope to experience, acquire, participate in, and share with a beloved partner !

Sadly, not all love is created equal. And not all persons experience, nor truly give, the literal definition of love (see below) !

More often than less, the word love is used in a different content than intended; seriously misused.
I love you, but I (want, expect, etc)…
I love you, if I (get, know, etc) …
I love you, when I (know, hear, etc)…

When love carries stipulations or carries the word “I”, then it’s really only about or FBO that person who is making “their” statement of love.  Notice I said their statement.

As mentioned in the definitions below, love is meant to be more than just statements. It’s about positive emotions and inner feelings; it’s about giving and being unselfish; it’s about wanting the most for that person in your life; no harm. It’s about being understanding; open-minded. It’s about giving of YOU; without rules/stipulations !

When love takes another route, engages in a different definition, offers stipulations, or you find you have to walk on “egg-shells” to even keep peace around your partner, you most certainly have choice ! Either stay in denial that this is love or make a conscious effort in choosing to educate and help yourself.

The questions are (whether it be your or a friend):
* Are you alert to the difference between love versus the “statement of” ?
* Do you feel love or loved with your partners choice of expressing love ?
* Do you know the clues of “control” to listen for ?
* How’s your self esteem ?
* Do you desire to be true to yourself in what you’re “actually receiving” in your relationship ?
* Are you actually in denial ? Make excuses for your partner ?
* Are you aware, control is a form of abuse ?
* Did you know, in many cases of verbal abuse, it can eventually lead to physical abuse if you’re not walking that fine egg-shell as your partner expects ?

If you’re somehow unaware, please know, verbal abuse is equal to physical abuse (another topic; another day) !

In my marriage at age 18, though I was fortunate to not have received the verbal abuse that many live in, daily, with their partners, he most definitely DID NOT spare me from the physical abuse. Actually, I stayed too long; 3 months; I finally got that courage and ran (returned home to LYH, from Alaska) !

Are you in a verbal abusive relationship ? Controlled relationship ?
How will you choose to cope ? To continue ? Are you in denial ? Are you depriving yourself of peace you could be living  ?

Bing and Wikipedia’s definition of Love (for another):* “Intense feeling of positive emotion toward, or enjoyment of, a person
* Feel tender affection for somebody
* Feel desire for somebody
* Show kindness to somebody”.
* An emotion of a strong affection and personal attachment
* Representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection
* The unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another".

Bing and Definition.com, definition for control”* “To exercise power or authority over something
* To limit or restrict somebody or something; reign, rule
* Dominate; command
* To hold in check; curb: to control one's emotions.
* To test or verify
* To test or verify
* To check or regulate or restraint; bridle, constrain”


What is your definition of love ? Do you have clues you can share, in helping others know it’s control over love ?
Thank you.



　　

Is loosing weight on your to-do list ? Your Summer energy is actually calling your name !

Summer is truly one of the best opportunities to moving forward with your goal !
WHY ?

Why not ... We naturally seem to have more energy in the Summer  !

Haven't you noticed how you do more and are seemingly more active in the Summer ?
You might be working in the yard more, playing with your kids outside, or even a week at the beach !  Maybe seriously cleaning out the garage for that yard sale you've been contemplating !

It's a great time to consciously choose to combine your added activity with your food intake or even curbing the types of food you eat !

Why waste another summer, and not bank on your extended energy in helping you work towards your given wieght loss goal !

 

Vincent Lombardi said, "The good Lord gave you a body that can stand most anything. It's your mind you have to convince."

AND ... “It is time for us all to stand and cheer for the doer, the achiever - the one who recognizes the challenge and does something about it.”

Parts 2-4 of Dr Rohm’s 4-part Better Relationships Series

Been totally busy around here. Truly finding time, only today, to weed through emails, looking forward to finding and sharing, part 2, 3 & 4 of Dr Robert A. Rohm’s 4-part Better Relationships series.

Even missed last nights new episode of Army Wives. So actually listening to that (twice) in the background as I’m reading/typing.

And why make you wait any longer, for one lesson at a time !  Here’s lessons 2-4.

Dr Rohm’s 4-part Better Relationships Series
　



Lesson 2

Titled, “ “I See,” Said the Blind Man ! ”
In this series, “Learn something very simple and VERY POWERFUL about yourself and others ! “ The short of it, each person sees life in his or her own personal way. Therefore, when you wonder why, some one does differently than you would have thought/considered, just remember, they’re wearing a different set of eyes (mind-set) than you !

Go here and discovery

　

Lesson 3

Title, The 4 Main Personality Styles
“

Though this lesson does not teach you how to become a “reader of the mind”, it can truly help you in consciously choosing to learn a more practical way of dealing with others “and” stepping into their shoes. Makes practical sense, from lesson 3 above, that if others have their own way of thinking, how can we “naturally” expect a person with one personality, to react the same way as one of another personality !

Go here and discovery

　

Lesson 4

Title, “Relating Better by Adapting to Others”. :: “You can adapt the way you RELATE to better meet the NEEDS of OTHERS.” You may actually decide, as I did, to copy the diagram for DISC Model of Human Behavior (4 main personality styles) and understanding personalities.Wouldn't it be amazing if you could read someone else's mind ? You would be able to really understand what that person is saying, what he or she is motivated by, and how to communicate more clearly with that person. “:: “People have their OWN built-in Perspective on life.” See and understand the valuable insight, in knowing yourself and others better: The Model of Human Behavior (Outgoing, Reserved, Task-oriented, and People-oriented) : https://personality.infusionsoft.com/app/hostedEmail/1181832/5c2eb8f047515a11 https://personality.infusionsoft.com/app/hostedEmail/1181924/a948926182165279 https://personality.infusionsoft.com/app/hostedEmail/1182016/4e65a90fa9d47638 　

Highlights to Remember

1) You cannot Beware of something until you are first Aware of something.
2) People have their own built-in perspective on life.
3) We can adapt our behavior to better meet the needs of others.
4) DISC is a tool to build bridges for communication.
5) A sincere and genuine desire to connect with someone is the key to using this information correctly.

Also remember …* You cannot control anyone else; yet, you can control yourself.
* You cannot expect someone who has not had the opportunity to learn this info, as you have, to know anything about it, and most certainly, not know how to use it.
　

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Hope you enjoyed these 4 series as much as I did. Truly hope you will plan to take advantage of this information and actively help your self have the best relationships you most certainly deserve ! Coach Vivian M. Webb, C.Ht, CPCL



Now, how to use the information you’ve learned from the other lessons in every day life ! “With the charts included in this lesson, you will have a simple guide to adapt your behavior to enjoy BETTER RELATIONSHIPS.”

Go here and discovery

　

--------------------------------------------

Once you have completed all 4 series and exercizes, here’s a reminder of Dr Rohm’s summary:: “DISC is our TOOL to BUILD Bridges for Communication”. The diagrams in this series, again, are seriously worth printing and going over multiple times, till the information becomes second nature to you.

Great exercise in actually helping a child learn to manage their anger.

FB friend posted this on one of my pages.  Truly an excellent exercise for a child in anger management.  Thought I would share.

"There was a little boy with a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he should hammer a nail in the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. But gradually, the number of daily nails dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the first day came when ...the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He proudly told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence.

“You have done well, my son. But look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. It won’t matter how many times you say you’re sorry, for the wound is still there.”

Words HURT and leave scars!

Hypnosis Gastric Bypass - What do you have to loose ? Weight ? Time ? Opportunity to Relax ?

Hypnosis Gastric Bypass - Want to Loose Weight ?
　
Surely most of you have heard of hypnosis. And there are many definitions in peoples mind of what hypnosis actually is !  (I'm a hypnotist and Life Coach).

The short of it, hypnosis is relaxation. It’s not any voo-doo ! It’s not the hypnotist controlling you. Matter of fact, it’s you controlling your own mind, by way of your subconscious.

Unfortunately, many don’t realize, the reason we hang on to old habits and old beliefs is because it has a hold onto our subconscious mind. And, sadly, whether we realize it or not, we’re not CHOOSING to let it go.

That’s the value of hypnosis !

This entry is not meant to be a hypnosis lecture, it’s about Hypnosis Gastric Bypass. Believe it or not, there’s some reason, in the back of ones mind, that we all CHOOSE to hold onto, that keeps our weight on (unless you have a true medical condition that hinders your weight loss).

Sadly, hypnosis and Hypnosis Gastric Bypass is much bigger in Europe than in America. If it were as big here, as it was there, our bodies and mind would actually be much healthier !

Back in January 2012, on the Dr Oz show, was the 1^st 3 Americans, presented on TV in America, that had tried the Hypnosis Gastric Bypass. They were happy; they could feel and see the difference this has made for them.

Before the Dr Oz show, I had already ordered tapes back in December 2011 and began my 1^st session with some friends and on myself in January 2012 . It truly did make a difference for all of us in eating smaller amounts. I immediately lost 23 lbs and I truly, even today (June) consciously eat smaller amounts !  I've even been on a cruise since and the waiter truly worked with me.  And, when I go out to eat, I now bring home close to 2/3 of my food.  Saves me a lot of money in meals !  

I've worked with another group of ladies since.  It definately helped them.  One lady said, she would bake 2 cakes almost every weekend and help eat them both, but now, she had lost her interest in them.  Another use to order soft drinks and naps every night at work, but has now stopped.  So it actually does bring you value and savings ! 

It’s truly time to make Hypnosis Gastric Bypass a bigger concept in America ! Not only could many of us afford to loose some weight, AND use and learn how to RELAX more … Americans need to CHOOSE to actively spread the word in helping others (friends, family, co-workers) ! Why should we CHOOSE to stay unhealthy when there are other CHOICES.

My offer in helping … Buy these MP3 tapes (cost $ 4.45) then call me and leave message (434-473-7470) or email me at
CoachVivianWebb@TheCruzLady.com. (If you get nothing more from these tapes than relaxation, you are already batting 100).  I will call you back and complimentary talk to you on other insight you need in helping make these tapes and your weight loss a success. All I ask in return is you keep me updated on how you’re doing, how it’s working, and how you like the program for at least 6 wks.
http://www.amazon.com/Gastric-Band-Hypnosis/dp/B004TQ1OBU/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1339615170&sr=8-1

My 2nd offer.  Have a group, minimum of 3, and I will come out to you (city of LYH), for 3 sessions, for $125 pp. These sessions will include more than hypnosis, as there are several discousion and insight you will need in helping you be successful.  Again, if you get nothing more from these sessions that relaxation, it will help you !  In return, I will also ask that you keep up with me in how you’re doing, how it’s working, and how you like the program for at least 6 wks.

What do you have to loose ... Other than possibly weight ... Some of your time ... and a little relaxation !


PS.  My normal one one one hypnosis sessions are $ 300 for 3 sessions.

PSS.  Normal cost for Hypnosis Bypass Surgery sessions, one on one, is $ 400+ to $ 3,500; just check out the net !

PSSS.  I have made the above offer, for groups, with CVCC and LYH Rec Cnt and have heard nothing back.  If you have connections, please help me help more LYH folk.   Thank you. Coach Vivian M. Webb, C.Ht, PCLC  

Strategic Intervention - Knowing the 6 human needs can actually help you relate better to others, as well as, know YOUR own self more

http://robbinsmadanescoachtraining.com/?p=629

Tony Robbins is truly a great speaker. He most definitely knows how to help you learn how to relate to others, as well, understanding yourself better; “Why” we do what we do (feel how we feel) ! It all begins with knowing that we “all” have the same “6 human needs” … And we “all” strive to have these needs met, whether we opt to meet them in a positive or negative way.   Even tells why we opt to procrastinate/Why we choose not to change and even hold on to the negative in our lives … It’s all about the 6 human needs !
He offers a 5-Part Strategic Intervention Mini-Training.

It’s to your benefit to view the entire series yourself. Or, you can ultimately choose the shorter  version, by reading my summary below.

6 human needs:

1^st 4 needs (needs of the personality - everyone meets them, even if you lie to yourself) are the most fundamental, which we must all have; the last 2 needs are what make you fulfilled (the needs of the spirit) and very few people are fulfilled

Tony Robbins believes success without fulfillment is failure !

PS. As soon as something meets 3 of your needs, you become addicted to it (doesn‘t matter if it‘s negative or positive)
　
1. Certainty. We all want comfort; avoid pain; have pleasure. Avoiding pain is a survivor instinct. Without certainty, we feel damage and that means death. The question is, how much do you need ? The more uncertainty you have, the more you will learn; the more you have to be certain about everything, the “less” you will have ! You can either “temporarily” give yourself a replacement, like thru food, or “tell yourself”, you have always find a way, and you’ll do it this time to ! So will you choose attainable or sustainable ! Everyone finds a way to “attain certainty” but can you sustains you, long term !

2. Uncertainty. We have a need for variety; for surprises that you want; cause surprises you don‘t want, you call problems. We need variety and the unknown to be alive ! That’s why we eat and smoke, etc (that‘s why people get addicted), to receive a new feeling ! Life is boring with more “certainty”. People who are variety driven end up with a different kind of life than those who are certainty driven ! Variety is available all the time; problem is, people want certainty more, and that’s why they are bored. Do you have problems, fears, or hesitations, that give you emotionally uncertainty ?

3. Significance. To feel important; to feel special; be needed; be unique. Every person has this need (whether negative or positive). Some people do this by achieving everything; by solving big problems; by having more money; more toys; being more christian; have more earings than anyone else; by unique hair style; by how they walk; how they talk; unique tatoos; their humor; trouble maker; being the best parent; by being tuff, no matter what someone does to you. Everyone finds away to be different, unique, or to be needed or to feel important ! A person can feel significant by having a significant big problem that you can share with everyone (ex. My high insurance); you don’t have to face your fear, cause now you’re significant, which is the choice most people make; it gives you opportunity to defend yourself, which makes you significant.

To be significant, it means you must be unique, which violates #4; the more different you are, the less connected you are

4. Connection/Love. Most people settle for connection, cause it’s less scary ! You hurt yourself for life, if never risk yourself to love; keeping it far away. It’s easy to get connected; fastest way to get connected is have a “problem”.
When you succeed, often people loose their connection of their significance in the world; rather than work hard and get more for themselves, which takes time, it’s faster to just tear you down !
Most people can get a connection (have a problem, be sick, be loved, make love, through prayer, through nature), but not at level they want, usually 3 or 4 our of 10; enough connection to not to do anything about it.

5. Growth. If you don’t grow, you die ! Everything in the universe grows or dies.

6. Contribution. You must contribute beyond yourself. Life is not all about you. You can feel temporary pleasure when something happens to you or for you, but that’s temporary. Everything either contributes or eliminated by evolution.

Robbins-Madanes Training - 5-Part Strategic Intervention Mini-Training

　
　!!! http://robbinsmadanescoachtraining.com/?p=629