Where does being “last minute” get you. And others .

I will not post on my blog next week.  I’m crusing up in Canada !  Some well-due time off !

 

Where does being “last minute” get you ?

STRESS !

And if “not” stress to You, when You are last minute … Putting others in or including them in Your last minute situation, brings stress to “all” those folks !

It’s one thing if you are last minute, and do not involve others.  But when it does involve others, it’s unbelievable unfair to their lives … Their situation … Their pre-obligations, responsibilities and priorities.  It means, cutting the time, they had planned for something else, to squeeze your “last minute” in ! 

Basically because you believe they owe you !  If you think you don’t have this belief, you may be the ony only one who does.

So if last minute does not stress you out, there’s a lot to say, to the stress that YOU may be placing on others.

 

Example:

Have you showed up, last minute, such as at a bank, only to ask for an unusual type need, that causes the person waiting on you, to have to stay, past their working hours ? 

Who cares if they had a family issue, where they were needing to truly leave on time, this day !

Who cares if they are paid by salary or the company won’t pay over time, and this person is now helping you, all on their personal time !

Who cares that the Dr has told them to cut back their stress or else !

Sure, you don’t mean to …. You can’t help it that your life is so busy; that you’re, more often than not, last minute at a task (or arriving places) !

Why not, make your problem, their problem too.  Make then suffer with you.

And if they say, they are unable to help you, because you have not allotted enough time, why not, e mad at them, cause you didn’t get their earlier !

 

Truly, it’s unbelievable, the thought process of folks who do not plan early, do not allow enough time,   and who plan last minute, “and” their personal opinion of what you owe them, or how it is now your fault, because you won’t or can’t get it done.

Besides suggesting to you, in doing everyone a favor …

Please start planning early FBO of others …

Please don’t get mad at these folks who will not or unable to meet your last minute requests …

Own up to yourself and those around you, that it is YOU, who you are mad at (I would be too) …

And thank anyone, 24 fold, if they EVER, agree to help you at all, when you are late !

 

Thank you.  If you are last minute, and in my life, I thank you in advance !

 

Breaking or making a habit stick

Back in the 70’s, is when it was first published in a self-help book, that it took 21 days to break or form a habit.  Whether or not this time frame is explicit, there’s a lot to say about it !

Many habits in our lives can form due to circumstances.  Such as eating during stress.  Smoking cause others are smoking, or due to stress.  Biting your nails.  Twidling your hair.  Putting off making a decision. Yes, that can be known as a habit too.

One mental goals, is in choosing to become alert, when habits surface.  Such as stopping yourself, when you find yourself biting your nails.  Or not putting that donut in your mouth.

Another is repetitiveness !  Such as the 21 day concept. 

Say you want to get in a habit of making your bed daily, working out on the treadmill, or even taking daily vitamins.  You being with day one and continue to repeat, until it becomes a part of your daily habit.  You can even mark you calendar, and recognize as each new day goes by, that worked toward your new habit.

Then there’s the mental awareness and repetitive combination.  Such as, to stop smoking.  Each day, you mentally cut back on the number of cigarettes you smoke, and if you repeat this daily, you will be continuing towards your goal.

Do these approaches work for everyone ?  Not if you’re not truly gun-ho about changing the habit.  Nor if there’s something subconsciously holding you back.  Everyone's brain is different, and habit formation also relies on aspects of experience and personality.

And habits can often easily come back.  With a simple trigger, like stress.

Another way of dealing with habit, like stress, is to move in the opposite direction of where your habit usually leads you.  If you normally eat when you are stressed, instead, go walking.

This is where hypnosis and even coaching can be very helpful.  You work together in deciding what continues to trigger your habit.  Making obtainable goals.  Then, you’re made accountable for each step you are to make. 

 

Don’t give up on yourself.  You’re worth fixing.  Consider a hypnotist or life coach, if you find you are having a difficult time, handling on your own.

Ever ask yourself, what do I want to be when I grown up ? How’s your stress level ? And how they might relate.

Many folks look at this question with seriousness.  Others, think of it for fun.  And I’m talking, ages from 10 – 80+.  We’re never too old to “think” of this question.  Sometimes, the best parts of our life, are our dreams.

Some folks were never able to pursue their desires or dreams, due to, having families early, personal or family sicknesses or obligations, money, not time, and many other reasons.  So again, those dreams may often enter our minds.

And of course, there are those folks, that are reading this, and either thinking, “I’m already grown up”, and others who are thinking, “I’m already doing what I want”.  Great !  But aren’t you sure, there’s not something in the back of your mind, that you’ve thought of, that you might have wanted to pursue, even if it were at a younger age, before you got “all you want” ?

Ever wanted to see where your singing talents could go ?  That’s one of the reasons for American Idol or Voice !

What about Sewing ? Flower arranging ?  Cake baking ?

 

Take a moment.  Think about those talents now.  Those dreams you once had, or even still may have.  Make a list.  Many times, there’s more than one.

 

There are so many talents that surround us that …

·         Are not being used ! 

·         Could take us to our dreams ! 

·         Could allow us to make money while doing something we love !

 

Ever think and realize, that wasted talents are not only being wasted by you, but they are being lost by those around you, and even folks you don’t know.  I believe we were born with many talents that we should be sharing.  Not sharing, is like hoarding it all to yourself !

Example, can you cook ?  How many folks around you, either wish they could enjoy your foods all the time or wish they cook like you ?   Though the restaurant business is not for everyone, and it’s costly to do, there’s always the option of teaching your talents to others ! 

And what if, you’re not really into your dreams for money, you could volunteer a class at your church, community center, or even the local girl scouts.  There’s so many folks you can share your talents and dreams with.  Even provide simply for entertainment !

 

Time.  Yes, it takes your time. 

Know, that pursuing dreams or doing things you have passion for, reduces our stress levels !  Whether you’re doing the things you love, as a career, or just for a day or evening.

Are you taking time in your life for yourself ?  Each week ?  Each month ?  Can you find someone who could watch your kids ? Watch your elderly parents ?  Not work so much ?

Again, take a moment.  Think about your passions.  Think about those dreams you once had or still have. What could you do with these ?  Where might you use them ?  How could this help your stress level ?


I know I will be taking some time, for myself, and thinking about this same topic.  Not that I want to change my career at all !  But how I can use some of my spare time or making the "choice" to make more spare time for talents and dreams !

 

 

You may know me, but you have no idea who I am !

Writing before Wednesday this week, because I saw this picture and it made me think of a topic, true to my own heart !

 

Why is it, that some of the closest people to you, do not really know you (yet often think they do) ?  I’m talking spouse/partner, family, relatives, friends, co-workers, your boss.

The short of it …

·         Many folks around us, are only interested in themselves !  What they have to say.  What’s going on in their lives.

·         Only hear what they want to hear !  Choose to judge, rather than comprehend/understand.

·         Often never ask you about you; or actually listen to your answer !

·         They’re so busy, they can hardly handle their own lives/traumas.

·         In their mind, think they know you !

·         Maybe select folks are listening too much to what others say about you (who also think they know you)

·         Or maybe, you do not share you (your thoughts and feelings)

 

Truly consider … If you hear your children, spouse/partner, your boss, or even a friend say, “You don’t get me”, or “you don’t listen to me” ... Understand, that’s how they “feel”, whether you think it’s true or not.   How a person feels or preceives is how it is to them !  And if this person is important to you, this is valuable info !

If you do not choose to STOP and take the time to listen, embrace the feelings, feel how they feel, give that person a chance, the situation will most definitely not change ! Only change you have, is in seeing it and feel it the way they do.  Compassion is important in any relationship. 

 

Now … If you are the one, who feels you are not really being listened to nor interpreted correct … It’s time for change !

Either learn a new approach … Whether it be calmer !  More direct !

If you can not approach them in person, consider writing a letter.  Possibly allow a non-biased person to read before sending.

Or just maybe, it’s time for new friends !  And consider spending less time with these folks who are bringing you down !  If it’s a spouse/partner, you can learn to add new appropriate activities to your life.  If it’s a boss, you can learn to just do your job correctly, and not provide more.

Cause it’s actually possible, there will be no change on the other person ! 

But remember, I’m not suggesting you develop an attitude !  You need to approach this with the idea of being happy !  Happy with choices !  Not anger, bitter, or grudges !  Just focusing more on you, and not, how you feel about them !

So get active and find new things to do !

In reality, only you can change !  You can’t change others, no matter how much you say or how upset you get !  So change you. 

 

Either ...

·         Take the time and learn how you can relate to this person; get to know them better; what makes them tick !

Or ... Especially if you learn, it's just "all about them" ...

·         Find new friends; get active; get happy with yourself and new surroundings !

 

 

Are you tired of being tired ! Which is the culprit

I know I am tired lots lately.  The last 3 weeks, I seem to be exhausted by noon, every day !  After my dad died, 3 weeks ago, I’ve been helping my mother go through her house, in a two week period, because she is permanently moving to Fla.  Today, seems like I’m tired the most, so I decided, it was time to talk about this subject !

 

Our daily habits affect how we feel !

Whether we ate breakfast or not.

What we’re eating during the day.  (Ever feel tired after lunch, after eating a buffet, or pasta, fried foods, Chinese food, etc ?  These are carbs; they auto make you tired) !

And of course, whether we got a good nights rest or not.  But read more on what affect us !

 

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Here’s what WebMD says – Health and Balance:

Have breakfast... even if you don't feel hungry.

Eat every three to four hours.

Fill up on more fiber (daily recommended 25 to 30 grams).  Some suggestions: a bowl of raisin bran (5 grams of fiber per cup); black beans and cheese wrapped in a multigrain tortilla (beans have 7.5 grams per 1/2 cup; one tortilla has 5 grams); air-popped popcorn (3.6 grams per 3 cups); an apple with the skin (3.3 grams); and whole-wheat spaghetti (6.3 grams per cup).

Fuel your brain with omega-3s. Found in fatty fish (such as tuna and salmon), walnuts, and canola oil).

Stay hydrated.  Tip: Besides drinking more, you can also consume foods that naturally contain water, such as yogurt, broccoli, carrots, and juicy fruits, like watermelons, oranges, and grapefruits.

Watch caffeine intake after noon. researchers at the University of Florida found that out of 22 decaffeinated coffee beverages tested, all but one contained some caffeine.

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More ideas from WebMD: 

Vent your feelings.  Keeping fear, anxiety, and stress pent up inside may seem like a grown-up way to deal with these emotions. But discussing negative feelings with another person can ease them far better than keeping them bottled up; by airing them, you reduce their ability to sap your stamina, says Komaroff, who is also the editor-in-chief of the Harvard Health Letter.

Let go of grudges. Nursing a grudge prompts your mind and body to react as if they're under chronic stress, increasing your heart rate and blood pressure and potentially resulting in an impaired immune system and exhaustion over time, according to a study in the journal Psychological Science. On the other hand, practicing empathy and forgiveness after you've been wronged makes you feel as if you're back in control, which keeps the body's stress responses in check. The next time you find yourself harboring ill feelings, repeat a stress-relieving mantra to yourself, such as, "Forgiveness makes me a happier and stronger person."

Turn on some tunes.

Take belly breaths. When we're under stress, we're prone to take "chest breaths" — short, shallow ones, says Domar. Chest breathing brings less air into the lungs and reduces the supply of energizing oxygen to the body and brain, leaving you physically and mentally drained. The goal is deep, diaphragmatic breathing — like that of a sleeping infant: When you breathe in, your belly should round and fill like a balloon; on an exhale, your belly should slowly deflate. Of course, remembering to practice deep breathing isn't the first thing on your mind when you're under the gun, so as a visual reminder, try posting a tranquil picture (such as a pool of water or your kids smiling) with the word "breathe" next to your computer, or anywhere you tend to feel on edge.

De-clutter a corner. Go through that teetering pile of papers or overflowing closet and clear it out. Clutter can make you feel out of control and overwhelmed, especially when you're already feeling stressed or down. Plus, simply accomplishing a goal, no matter how seemingly minor, can be energizing, says Domar.

Do some good. Acts of altruism can lend a little pep to your step. In fact, one study in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior found that volunteer work can boost your energy in six ways: It enhances happiness, life satisfaction, self-esteem, sense of control over life, physical health, and mood.

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The culprit for me is, lately, is that I am totally not eating right.  What I really mean is, the culprit is MYSELF !  Like most always, I’m running around so fast, that I only take time to eat, when I am hungry, and then, I’m grabbing whatever might already be ready, so there’s not “fixing time” needed.

Carbs have always put me to sleep, which is why I can not have them in the day, and do not agree to go out to eat lunch with folks !  I am better off, when I eat, very small portions, several times a day (1/2 cup to one cup each).

Other culprits for me right now … Clutter.  I have just moved may things from my mom’s house to mine.  It is overwhelming just to look at !  Meaning, looking at it, and I become exhausted, before I even lift a hand in changing it.

Venting.  I have been doing this a little lately; I’m sure not enough.  And it’s all in reference, to all that has gone on in the last 3 weeks !


Now, allow me to add a couple more venue's to add some spark for you.
*  Practive self-hynosis (I can help you with this)
*  Plan a vacation ... a cruise ... even if you are not yet ready to committ.  Vacation planning can bring life back into you.  Do not call anyone if you are not going to buy; just go online and do your research.  Here, use my cheat sheets:  www.VivianWebb.com

Both of the above, I do all the time !

Time for change.  I’m looking forward to it, once all this work is complete.  Looking forward to eating healthier, walking on my new treadmill, and becoming healthier !  More energy ! Plan to join me !

Need motivation with change ?  Need help (phisically) with decluttering ?
Reach out to a coach today !  Why put off in change that could be the best thing for your life !  (434) 473 - 7470  (Voip Machine)

5 stages of handling death - Remember to reach to a coach if you need a helping hand

I'm personally very behind this week, and have not posted on my coaching blog.
Since the death of my father, first of April, I have been packing up my mom, to move to Fla, permanently.
If I guess, I have yet to have time, in dealing with the death of my father, with being constantly busy; packing and working in my own business !  Once she is gone, next weekend, I'm sure, reality may hit home.  Thought I should take a moment and look online at the different stages a person goes through with death, and thought, for now, I would just share one article I found online.

From Psych Central.
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/

Note ...
*  Not all folks handle death in the same way.
*  Not everyone goes through the different stages.
*  Not everyone goes through the stages as the same rate as another
*  Some folks get hung up in a stage and may need coaching or counseling to cope, or pass to the next stage.

Remember ...
Right after someone dies, many folks call and check on those who have been left behind.  But after a couple of weeks or months, these folks are often forgotten. 
Remember ...
To keep in touch with these folks.  They still need your friendship !

Call me if you need a coach during your difficult times !

Personal Experience – Valuable Insight and Extra Time before the burial of a loved one

Last Monday, April 1, my father past away.  Though his health had been declining, he had taken a sudden turn, a week prior; actually the day I left Fla, after being with him for 3 weeks (I would not have come home, had he been in this condition).

My mother and father, were currently at their winter home.  And naturally, both of them, would need to come home to VA, for the burial.

My mother would be driving home, because she wanted her car home.  With having a very important DR visit on Wednesday, she would not begin her drive till after the appointment.  She broke the trip up, and was back to VA by 2pm on Thursday. 

We decided best, to wait for “family night” till Friday night.  And in hopes of folks not having to take off from work, we paid the extra ($300 at the cemetery; other cost at the funeral home) to have the funeral on Saturday.

Insight #1:  Most funeral homes, have connections with other funeral homes, out of town.  So the funeral home, in our home town, immediately took over upon my father’s death.  His remains were picked up at the hospital; he was embalmed (which must be done before he could be flown home); took him to the airport, and flew him back to VA.  He was in VA by Wednesday morning; had we been in a hurry, he could have been here by Tuesday night.

Insight #2: Remains can not be flown into any airport; only select airports.  My father was flown into Richmond, and we live in Lynchburg.  Our funeral home here, went to get him in Richmond.  The cost for the flight and ride to LYH was only $ 900.

Not having the funeral within a couple of days, like many are done, made the transition from life to death, much more easier !   This extra time, from Monday to Saturday, was valuable in personal adjustment.  It helped give “time” in settling over what had happened. 

Also, with taking this time, I did not have to go to the funeral home, to look at our options till Tuesday, and not Monday !  My body didn’t have to go through that sudden burial mode !

I truly suggest, keeping this suggestion in the back of every ones mind, for the future, of having to bury a loved one !  My father was my best buddy; and I never thought, I could handle this, as easy as I did !