As a reminder in the last session, it was mentioned that “the police will always refer victims of domestic violence to various local agencies that specialize in working with domestic violence situations. This is because these organizations are experts in this area – they do nothing but work with all aspects of domestic violence. They are wonderful resources for everything from safety issues to housing and everything in between. They provide financial resources, counseling, emotional support and more.” And many organizational resources were mentioned in Chapter 4, but there are many more across our country.
LESSON 6 - Keeping Safe“If you or someone you love is being abused, the best solution is to get out … “If not possible or you won’t consider, at least try to understand how to protect yourself … Until you are ready to leave … minimize the abuse.
Avoid areas in the house that can be dangerous for you. Most attacks that result in serious injury occur in the kitchen … knives, scissors and other sharp objects. Also avoid bathrooms and other areas where there is no escape. Try to go to rooms with outside doors or windows and a telephone, so you can get out.
Don't be afraid to leave … run to a neighbor's house and cry for help.
Memorize important phone numbers and always have change on you. If you ever escape … with nothing but the clothes on your back, you should at least have the phone numbers for a few domestic abuse hotlines, a friend or family member you can trust and the police memorized … You should also have enough money … for a bus or cab fare.” (Vivian’s suggestion - have a hiding place in the yard or garage, or several places, that you may be able to keep #’s, money, and even keys, if you ever need to make that escape)
Decide on a Safe Word or Phrase. There may be a day when you decide that the time is right to leave or when you are in danger – but you can't talk to anyone without your abuser overhearing. Have a Safe Word or Phrase that you can use that will be recognized by your family or friends. When you use this word or phrase, it will tell them that you need help immediately and that they should send the police.
“Do not purchase a deadly weapon to protect yourself. Too often, a weapon such as a knife or gun is taken away from the victim who is trying to protect themselves and used against them.”
Be prepared if you hope to one day escape
Plan now, for that day you may be able to escape. “The reason is simple – abusers are unpredictable. Victims are seldom ready when the time is right and … often miss that "window of opportunity" … The ones who are successful are the ones who have taken the steps to be prepared ahead of time. They have an "escape kit" ready so that when the time comes they don't have to waste time gathering the things they need. They have an escape plan in place …”
Pre-make that Escape Kit
Decide a secure safe place where you can hide this, yet get to (maybe at a neighbors on in the back of your car - you could even have more than one place); a place where your abuser will not find it. Remember, escapes are often done quickly, without much warning, even for you. This kit should include those essentials you may need, such as:
Keys – This could include more than just car keys.
Medication list - have a list stored; and plan to grab your meds as you go out the door
Blank checks and spare credit Card that’s just in your name
Legal documents (or copies) – Birth certificates (you and the kids); passport; drivers license; property documents, and any Protective Orders.
Jewelry or small valuables (sentimental or that with value, if you must sell)
Address books and phone #’s
Any paperwork, photos or records in reference to any abuse
Backpack with bottles of water & small snacks – that could tide you over if need be
If you will escape with your car, keep blankets, flashlights, maps.
“Food for Thought”
“Domestic Violence Shelters Offer a Lot to Victims
Remember in planning to take proper steps in getting away safely.
If you can, leave while your abuser is at work or a time when you know they are to be gone for awhile.
If you do not already have, you need to get Protective Order for you and the children; inform your kids school.
Plan to talk to a counselor or therapist for valuable support and insight.
When ready to buy a new home phone at your new location, make the # unlisted.
“Use only your first initial and not your first name whenever possible on documents.
Get an answering machine and screen all phone calls before answering. Save any threatening messages …”.
Cancel old bank accounts and credit cards that you share.
If possible, get a post office box to use as your address.
FYI … If need be, you can go to the Social Security office and “They will now assign a new Social Security Number to victims of Domestic Abuse who are relocating to try to escape their abuser.”
“Meet with an attorney immediately and discuss filing for child support, maintenance, division of assets and a divorce or separation. This is a crucial step to protect your rights and those of your children. Remember, you have to protect yourself financially and legally! Contact your local domestic violence center or Bar Association. They will help you find an attorney who will work with you free of charge. It is imperative that you talk to a lawyer to make sure that you understand your rights to protection and how to move forward legally so that you are safe and you are able to live a productive, happy life without interference from your abuser.”
See more info: www.leavingabuse.com. “The site includes suggestions, safety tips and links to a variety of other sites that can help you. Remember to access any site from a secure, safe location that your abuser does not have access to or be sure to ALWAYS clear your computer's history …”.
“Finally, for your own safety and the safety of others the fewer people who know where you are going, the better it will be for all involved. Let a few key people know where you will be in case of emergencies … they should not contact you unless it is truly urgent. Don't call or contact anyone unless you need to except for your attorneys and law enforcement until you are certain that you and your children are safe and secure.”
Vivian M Webb, C.Ht, CPLC ... My personal desire is in helping folks prepare; getting ready; not missing that opportunity; not being rail roaded (even after leaving) ! I planned, for myself, way in advance, before ever leaving. I saved every dime I could; I learned many facts that would help me; I was totally prepared when I left. I can help you too !
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