Adopt a friend or family member during the holidays AND then again, during the year

Christmas and Thanksgiving are two of the most exciting holidays, yet more busier time of year, for many ! It can also be a trying time, for many of our friends and family members, even ourselves, who have lost a loved one in past years.

Often, when a friend or family member, first looses a loved one, they receive those needed phone calls or cards or letters. But with our busy schedules, these folks often get lost in the stream … Forgotten !

These folks actually need us most, down the road ! Especially during the holidays … birthdays … anniversary time … When they're sick !


Please take the time in your busy schedule and search in your mind and heart, for folks who you know, who could be experiencing some difficult times.  Even if only one person.  WHY NOT, "adopt a friend", for the season.  If nothing more, make that phone call and reach out to see how they are doing !

It could be someone who has lost a spouse … a parent … a child … a best friend …

Also, remember single folks … and folks who do not have other family !

Then take it a further step …. Place these same folks on your calendar through the year and plan to call them again every other month or once a quarter !






Being in the cruise business for 21 years, and serving an older clientele, I experience clients loosing spouses, sadly, all the time. My Top Clients, where we built a strong bond between us over these years, fortunately, call me, when such things happen. In turn, I keep them on a calendar, and call them for birthdays and anniversaries !


For the most part, many folks may be remembered during the holidays … It’s the rest of the year, that they need us too !  And remember, best way to help yourself in avoiding the winter blues, is reaching out and helping others !

And ladies, if you are in the LYH area, and looking to meet and make new friends, or know other ladies who would like to do the same, plan to join and invite these folks to a new monthly social, ESC2ACT (Expanding Sister Circle to Act Charitably Together).  We meet the 1st Wed for dinner @ 5:45pm.  We bring items, like can food, etc, to our social dinner, based on a theme for the month, towards helping others in our community.  For details, email Vivian, cruz4now@gmail.com
Join our facebook group.  https://www.facebook.com/groups/243309542450771/ 




　
　

Unappreciative Folks in Your Life; Will They Ever Change ?

NOTE, Do NOT miss an earlier post today;  I was late in posting last weeks article, due to being at my folks and unable to turn on the "net" till today.

This article is not about helping to build your relationship with unappreciative folks; it’s more about how to change your situation !

 

Life has enough challenges, without having to feel like you are unappreciated;  especially when you know, you gave that task or person your all !  Sadly, you could give 110% or receive an A+ and some folks will either still find fault or something wrong.  

What can you do ?   
You ultimately need to seek to change your situation.

Well, if you wear your heart on your sleeve, the option of just laughing under your breath and shrugging your shoulders may not be an easy choice for you; it most certainly would NOT be for me.

My mother always believed, do NOT saying anything to anyone; keep it all to yourself.  I do NOT believe this;  nor do many a psychiatrist, counselor or coach.  Harboring feelings inside, can eventually blow and most likely, not in a healthy nor productive way !

If you’re self-employed, like I am, and it’s a customer we’re talking about, then you can easily just choose to let that customer go; our industry calls it,  “firing” them !   Luckily, I’ve never had a client suggest I hadn’t done the best job possible, however, I have had a couple of “way out there unreasonable request” by customers, with one threatening, if I didn’t get what they personally wanted from the cruise line, that they would find another agent.  Rather than stepping out to the cruise line with something I personally felt was unreasonable (almost like asking me to sell something I don’t believe in), I suggested they move on; in turn, they got my message and proved they were only a ball of hot air.  I personally believe in being honest, whether a customer likes it or not; don’t believe in sugar coat anything !

If the unappreciative person in your life is your boss, I think this would drive me into looking for that next job immediately.  Knowing that a person respects us, needs us, counts on us, is all a part of human nature; so if a person can’t look up to their own boss, and count on this person to be compassionate and won’t slam you under the bus, is an aspect we all want; otherwise, who would want to be on that job, even one more day !  However, before running off to find that next job, as a non-runner, I would first choose to approach the boss with how I felt; you may find, it was all a mis-understand or actually confirm, that your idea to leave, is a smart choice.

What comes to mind next, are friend’s.  Again, if they don’t appreciate your friendship, simply choose to reach out and find new friends.  Again, without confrontation, I would first approach the friend with how the relationship was making me feel; and even take the time to listen to what might be hurting them.  It’s often true, that communication can clear up situations.

Disagreements with co-workers, comes to mind next.  Again, take the time to approach them; listen to them.  If this doesn’t work, you’ll want to talk to your boss, of your desire to be placed on another team or department; if not available, learn to work with this person from a distance and keep feelings out of getting the job done; or if too difficult, then seek out another job.

Family and in-laws.  Many folks repeat the statement, you can’t pick nor change your family.  Though this may be true, and with family being much closer persons, friction or odds, may not easily resolve with basic communication.  Just to keep your sanity and composure, like I’ve had to decide, you may just clearly need to opt in spending minimal time together.  What you don’t want to do, is subject yourself, just for the sake of the fact, that it’s family.  And if possible, as an individual or a team player, seek professional help with a mediator, therapist, counselor or coach.

Handling Those Folks Who Tend to Lean Towards Hurting Feelings

This is a week late; being in Fla with my folks, I had not turned on the "net" to make this posting last week.

This article is not about helping your relationship with hurtful people; it’s strictly about saving your own sanity !

 

Among each of us, there’s a many a day, that we find ourselves barely able to keep up with the expected fast pace of our daily demanding lives.  Yet what can top the stress list, is when our lives also include folks who continue to say insulting comments, on a regular basis, in hurting feelings; somewhat a bully !

When I say “regular basis”, I’m not talking of folks that we may run into temporarily for a moment, like at the grocery store or on the highway.  I’m talking about those persons who seem to be here in our lives to stay, like a boss or an in-law !   This could be someone else at your work or the customers you encounter;  or it may involve a different family member, or even a personal friend.

No matter the person, the question is, what affect are you allowing these folks to have on your life or even your personality ?  Do you find yourself searching for that “shell” to stay hidden under ?  Or maybe it leaves you angered or you find yourself snapping or lashing out at others ?  Or could it be possibly leaving you tired a lot or just wanting to sleep ? 

Noticed I said “allowing” !  If someone hasn’t already pitched this line to you before, I’m here to remind you, that your “choice cards” need NOT set idle.  You can choose to …

·        Accept and stay miserably stressed/angry

·        Accept and officially hear nothing

·        Do NOT accept and change the situation … OR …

·        Get out of the situation

If your line of work is the culprit and strictly centers around handling all the problem customers, then it could totally be hard to put on a smile, even at the end of your shift; truly consider looking for a new job.  This type job is handled best by persons who are able to handle such issues without having their heart or personality on their sleeve (officially able to ignore or hear nothing that would frustrate them) !

Luckily for me, my position in working with clients are 98% about HAPPY.  As a cruise specialist,  I am either confirming client dream vacations or fixing their personal issues or ones caused by the cruise lines, which all bring on HAPPY.  Thankfully, it then leaves little reasoning for a customer to call yelling or being dis-hearted through our company’s direct association with them. 

However, as any self-employed person should opt in doing, if I do find folks who continue to be unreasonable in their cruise line thinking,  or their non-recommended battles with the cruise line, I take that “choice card” option, and do what we call it in this industry, and simply “fire that customer”;  I have no problem in letting go, since I’m not interested in the uncalled for negativity; have sadly had to so, 4 times, but that's over 21 years.  Normally, my forte is demanding folks, cause I am one myself. 

Now if you have a boss, co-worker, in-law, sibling, parent, or someone of the like, who is making your environment unpleasant, I would pull out my “choice card” and approach them in a non-attacking way.  My personal choice is changing the situation; communication; lay it on the table; make it known.  Sometimes, it’s only a matter of making awareness with this person.  If that doesn’t change anything, I would then choose to NOT subject myself to their presence, however, I would NOT run chicken and miss any events !  Another option, ignore anything they say, as if they never said it, while leave that smile on your face.  Remember, if job related, you always have that choice of reaching out to Human Resources on the basis of abuse.  No matter, make choices in making your life happier !

In my life, I’ve met a many a person, as well as family, where their natural personality is “hurtful jokester” or kick you below the belt.  Some folks do NOT mean harm when making fun and cutting down folks, yet others, could care less who they hurt, or in fact, actually believed they are doing nothing of the sort. 

 

Sadly, some folks who do NOT care, also will not allow you to have conversation with them in telling your feelings, or they can’t stop being ugly even during the talk.  If you continue to allow them near you, not only allows them another chance at batting at you, but it encourages them into believing that the way they are acting is ok (just like, when a child is not disciplined).   It’s truly time to take out that “choice card” and ultimately decide to STOP gifting them with your one on one presence; if this person is at your job or a family member, just decide to keep your distance, when in the same room. 

Remember, these folks have yet to prove their “worthiness” to be in your presence.  If need be, consider seeking out a coach if you need that motivation in taking your first or next step !

Friends - Do you already have enough ? Think out of the box - Reasons to attract more !

Look around. As much as we love and rely on our God, our country and our families, life is touch ! Each day we get up to face new dramas or finish dealing with the ones from yesterday.

Many folks have their partner or family to rely on, in their time of need and stress; which is great ! So if we already have all this other support, why do we even need friends ?


What is a friend ?

From Free Dictionary:
1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts; an acquaintance.
2. One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement.
From Dictionary.com: A person …
1. Attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2. Who gives assistance; patron; supporter.
3. Who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile.

　

Again, why do we need them ?

If you don’t have friends outside of your family, consider thinking a little out of the box for a moment … Ever considered …

1) That sometimes, even our family may need a break from our stress !
If you have truly not thought about this, I hate to be the one who has to announce to you, that this is actually selfish on your part. Expecting your partner to be everything to and for you, is actually a lot of you !

2) We can’t actually expect our family to understand other aspects of our lives, like our job. The best person to understand this is truly a co-worker !
I personally know of no one in my life, who could ½ grasp anything about my main business, which is “cruise specialist”; unless you are in this industry, you wouldn’t have a clue of what it is like behind closd doors (I actually try to keep the door shut to keep you from knowing) ! Especially since my business is suppose to be, all about happy, right !

3) That maybe an outsider to the family can offer that different perspective with some valuable input !  Sorry if this offends you, but could it possibly be TIME to get another point of view in your life, other than family !

　

"A good friend is cheaper than therapy". Author Unknown

“The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love.” Hubert H. Humphrey quotes (American 38th US Vice President under Lyndon B. Johnson).

“Words of comfort, skillfully administered, are the oldest therapy known to man.”
Louis Nizer.




Personally, I choose to think out of the box a litter further ...

4) If we’ve not made friends, who can we expect to be there for us, when our partner or family is gone ?
No one may want to think like this, but reality is real ! And there’s no better time to keep reality in perspective than NOW !


This is my main reason, why I have chosen to keep our circle of high school friends together. Not so much just for me ! I’m actually think of them, very seriously ! I’m thinking, who will be there for my classmates, when the person they’ve had to rely on for years, is no longer there !

If we’re lucky, we have all sorts of different group of friends in our lives. In my life, I have co-workers, staff, regular friends, family friends, high school classmate friends, and now, have begun a new group of LYH lady friends, to expand my circle even more.
ESC2ACT (Expanding Sister Circle to act charitably together).
I’m about to begin a new group, but for now, go here, and join this face book group.
　


So yes, enjoy your partner and family, but REMEMBER to keep your circle of friends OPEN and continuously multiplying !  Friends come and go so we're always needing to build more !


ALSO REMEMBER, to have a friend, you have to know how to BE A FRIEND ! It can’t be all one sided … all about you … your stresses … your situation !

16 STEPS IN BEING A FRIEND. From WikiHow.com
Being a good friend is about being reliable, kind- hearted and thoughtful, so …

Be real
Be honest
Be loyal
Be respective
Share (be selfless)
Watch out for your friend
Pitch in for friends during times of crisis
Give thoughtful advice when asked but don’t expect friends to do as you say
Listen
Step back and give your friend space
Don't be selfish. Grabbing, stealing, envying and/or begging are big nos in the rules of friendship.
Be forgiving when things go wrong in your friendship.
Live by the golden rule.
Seek to deepen your friendship over time.
Be trustworthy.
Go beyond the call of duty.
　
For their full story:
http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Good-Friend

Sadly, I have family and I even have friends who do not know how to be a friend ! Often folks are like this; they need you to listen to them and then they are busy when you need someone (maybe because I’m a Life Coach, that’s what they expect or need from me ?).   Again, another great reason to continue to build your circle.

No matter, REMEMBER, it’s never too late to learn how to be a friend and to choose to grow with your circle !  Days rush by, so don't put this off; Start today, BEFORE you need that special someone by your side !   And KNOW, the folks you befriend, could deeply need "you" too !  

If you have a partner who does not want you to have friends or tells you that others are not really on your side ... KNOW, this is a form of control ! Choose to take me seriously, and see my 11 lessons earlier in my blog, on “abuse”. And reach out to me (or a friend) with needed guideance.