Handling Those Folks Who Tend to Lean Towards Hurting Feelings

This is a week late; being in Fla with my folks, I had not turned on the "net" to make this posting last week.

This article is not about helping your relationship with hurtful people; it’s strictly about saving your own sanity !

 

Among each of us, there’s a many a day, that we find ourselves barely able to keep up with the expected fast pace of our daily demanding lives.  Yet what can top the stress list, is when our lives also include folks who continue to say insulting comments, on a regular basis, in hurting feelings; somewhat a bully !

When I say “regular basis”, I’m not talking of folks that we may run into temporarily for a moment, like at the grocery store or on the highway.  I’m talking about those persons who seem to be here in our lives to stay, like a boss or an in-law !   This could be someone else at your work or the customers you encounter;  or it may involve a different family member, or even a personal friend.

No matter the person, the question is, what affect are you allowing these folks to have on your life or even your personality ?  Do you find yourself searching for that “shell” to stay hidden under ?  Or maybe it leaves you angered or you find yourself snapping or lashing out at others ?  Or could it be possibly leaving you tired a lot or just wanting to sleep ? 

Noticed I said “allowing” !  If someone hasn’t already pitched this line to you before, I’m here to remind you, that your “choice cards” need NOT set idle.  You can choose to …

·        Accept and stay miserably stressed/angry

·        Accept and officially hear nothing

·        Do NOT accept and change the situation … OR …

·        Get out of the situation

If your line of work is the culprit and strictly centers around handling all the problem customers, then it could totally be hard to put on a smile, even at the end of your shift; truly consider looking for a new job.  This type job is handled best by persons who are able to handle such issues without having their heart or personality on their sleeve (officially able to ignore or hear nothing that would frustrate them) !

Luckily for me, my position in working with clients are 98% about HAPPY.  As a cruise specialist,  I am either confirming client dream vacations or fixing their personal issues or ones caused by the cruise lines, which all bring on HAPPY.  Thankfully, it then leaves little reasoning for a customer to call yelling or being dis-hearted through our company’s direct association with them. 

However, as any self-employed person should opt in doing, if I do find folks who continue to be unreasonable in their cruise line thinking,  or their non-recommended battles with the cruise line, I take that “choice card” option, and do what we call it in this industry, and simply “fire that customer”;  I have no problem in letting go, since I’m not interested in the uncalled for negativity; have sadly had to so, 4 times, but that's over 21 years.  Normally, my forte is demanding folks, cause I am one myself. 

Now if you have a boss, co-worker, in-law, sibling, parent, or someone of the like, who is making your environment unpleasant, I would pull out my “choice card” and approach them in a non-attacking way.  My personal choice is changing the situation; communication; lay it on the table; make it known.  Sometimes, it’s only a matter of making awareness with this person.  If that doesn’t change anything, I would then choose to NOT subject myself to their presence, however, I would NOT run chicken and miss any events !  Another option, ignore anything they say, as if they never said it, while leave that smile on your face.  Remember, if job related, you always have that choice of reaching out to Human Resources on the basis of abuse.  No matter, make choices in making your life happier !

In my life, I’ve met a many a person, as well as family, where their natural personality is “hurtful jokester” or kick you below the belt.  Some folks do NOT mean harm when making fun and cutting down folks, yet others, could care less who they hurt, or in fact, actually believed they are doing nothing of the sort. 

 

Sadly, some folks who do NOT care, also will not allow you to have conversation with them in telling your feelings, or they can’t stop being ugly even during the talk.  If you continue to allow them near you, not only allows them another chance at batting at you, but it encourages them into believing that the way they are acting is ok (just like, when a child is not disciplined).   It’s truly time to take out that “choice card” and ultimately decide to STOP gifting them with your one on one presence; if this person is at your job or a family member, just decide to keep your distance, when in the same room. 

Remember, these folks have yet to prove their “worthiness” to be in your presence.  If need be, consider seeking out a coach if you need that motivation in taking your first or next step !