If you missed Lesson 1 of 11 Series ((Addressing You, family, and friends). Knowing the signs, the scary statistics, and the possible friends and family who are actually victims), go here:
Domestic Violence: Lesson 2 of 11 Series
Recognizing Any of These Signs of Domestic Violence Towards You, From You, or Within a relationship of a Friend/Family Member
Are you personally being abused ?
Do you believe, it most certainly is NOT ?
Or do you not really know ?
Please continue reading …
“Many times the victim of abuse is the last person to admit that they are in an abusive situation. There are many reasons for this:
* The victim doesn't want to admit they've made a mistake
* They may fear the unknown aspects of leaving their spouse or partner
* They may believe that their partner can change
* They may still have feelings of love for their partner
* They may simply not realize that their relationship is abusive
.”
“This last situation is actually quite common” … abuse often goes on “over a long“ period of time … Maybe over a “slow period of time” … which in turn, the abused “often comes to think of the situation as NORMAL.”
* Destroy your personal belongings or property that is important to you
* Isolate you from friends or family
* Make you feel guilty about your own decisions or choices
* Intentionally humiliate or embarrass you
* Physically attack you (shoving, hitting, choking or slapping)
* Blame you for his or her behavior
* Accuse you of cheating or illicit activities with no foundation
* Force you to have sex
* Withhold affection or approval to punish you
* Call you names or insult you
* Imply that you would be unable to survive without them
* Set goals that you know you will not be able to meet ”
Or, are you using these tactics with your own partner (If you are, choose to change or seek help) ?Are you aware … this is called MANIPULATION and CONTROL … this is called DOMESTIC ABUSE ? (see more signs below)
KNOW: Reported by
dvmen.org, July 2012. Out of 100 people, 40 are men abused by women. Yes, I know a many a husband or partner, where the wife is verbally abusing and knocking down their partner, and actually do not see this as abuse !
Is this also how you possibly feel in your relationship ?
“Do you:
* Have the feeling that you are walking on eggshells
waiting for the next time your partner will lash out * Believe that you can't do anything right no matter how hard you try
* Feel that you are emotionally deadened or numbed
* Sometimes feel that you are losing your mind or crazy”
If Yes, “Find a friend or relative” … you can trust, in sharing your situations. “They may encourage you to leave immediately; this is only because they are concerned about your well-being.” Don’t run away from this support, even if you are not yet ready to leave your partner. Just confirm with them that you know you are in an abusive situation, and “then ask for their patience and understanding. Having someone to confide in can help you cope.”
then confide in someone you trust. This makes it real for you and gives you someone to turn to in moments of fear or stress”.
KNOW: “If he/she has not already been physically violent with you, it is very likely that it will escalate to that point.”
KNOW: “…. Most victims suffer in silence for years before they speak out for themselves”.
“If you are concerned about a friend, family member or loved one because you fear they may be being abused, don't ignore your feelings
. Watch for any signs that there may be problems and take note of any changes you see in their behavior. If they miss work or are injured, mark down the dates and any details – this information may be valuable in the future.
“Typical signs of abuse to watch for include:
* Attempts to cover reported bruises or injuries with make-up or dark glasses, especially inappropriate clothing, such as long sleeves in summer
* Frequently having to check in by phone with their partner
* Frequent unexpected absences from school, work or social activities
* Frequently referring to how angry their partner is about what seems like inconsequential things
* Extreme fear of conflict or disagreements
* The person doesn't have money of his or her own
* Becoming withdrawn or distracted, unable to concentrate
* Jumping or flinching excessively at unexpected noises or gestures
* Increasing isolation
* Depression and crying (victims often cry over seemingly inconsequential incidents)
* Avoiding conversation or interaction with the opposite sex in social situations
* Sudden changes in personality or personal habits
NOTE: “Very few people will show ALL of the signs listed above” … Maybe only a few. “Let them know that you care about them and are there to listen to them when they are ready to talk. We will discuss ways to help in future lessons.”
And, “if you believe that the person is in immediate danger of being physically harmed, you should make an immediate report to the police. You don't have to give your name and all investigations are confidential. An investigation will be done and, if necessary, appropriate action will be taken.”
Also, consider a coach in helping you with needed steps and/or encouragement and/or motivation in making this move, to better your life ! Call for your complimentary session.
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