Being a coach, over the years, and even more over last couple weeks, I’ve actually run into or hear
situations, where folks were so excited
and having great intentions in helping
or doing for another, yet, while
doing so, they actually ended up hurting someone else.
Examples may seem silly, but they do bring about feelings, to folks that these situations were geared to:
1)
Not loaning something to you (car, condo, money, their favorite chair they sit in), but specifically loaning that
same item to a new friend (giving the shirt off their back to a new guest or
friend).
2)
Not purchasing from your business (or giving to
the charity you work for), but making that purchase (donation) from a stranger or new
friend business; putting money in someone else's pocket book; or giving to charity when a friend or family member is need of money/food.
3)
Not attending your party, but that of a different
friend, who actually planned a party the same night; playing friends against each other.
Remember, I didn’t say, hurt yourself FBO another. So if you’re thinking, well, I
would give the shirt off my back or my right arm if it came to my child or my
family, that is not what I was referring to.
And … I am also not talking about, a time when you are
angry, and you do something spiteful to someone, like paying them back (little
childish).
And … I’m not talking about tattling on someone who has hurt
another or who is doing something illegal.
And … I’m not talking about accidently hurting someone !
And ... I'm not talking about a situation where one's job or boss needed to come first.
And ... I'm not talking about a situation where one's job or boss needed to come first.
And … I’m not talking about a life or death situation either
!
I am literally talking of the idea of, knowingly hurting
someone else, because you want to help or be kind to another.
The only thing I can gather, in someone who is doing this, is
that they are so wrapped up in what they think is “a good” for or with this
particular person, that they have either opted to put on blinders to the
hurting of another or they believe “a good” out weights “a bad”(?). Though this may be what is taking place, it is still actually
unexcusable. Hurting folks is hurting folks, no matter what excuse you give yourself. Matter of fact, if it were
a court issue, the judge would not even listen to such reasoning.
Does this person realize, that in hurting another, they may most likely
lose this other friend ?
Is really worth losing that friend; hurting someone ?
If I were the one being hurt here, I would naturally feel
that this person was specifically letting me know, that in reality, they really
were not my friend, or they were letting me know, that they no longer wanted me
as a friend or cherished our friendship.
That I was not important enough, in their book, to not change the
situation in a way, that would not hurt either person.
Having such inner feelings, as mentioned, is normal, and
does not make you negative to have this thought. It’s what you do with the thought that matters.
Do not beat yourself up over it; nor return any negative
action towards this person. Just walk
away. And consciously, don’t take it
personal. Look at it as, this person, just
so badly wanted to do or be with this other person, and that this actually has
nothing to do with you or who you are.
This could be a girlfriend, a boyfriend, a spouse, a neighbor,
a client …
Remember, folks have their own right to make their own
choices; just like you have the choice of not standing in the fire of letting this
happen to you over and over by this person.
If they don’t want you in their life, though you may not understand, let
it be what it is. You can not make someone
be your friend or be good to you (and please consider not wasting or using your time to
change their mind anyway).
This is one of those type situations, that is totally out of
your control. Just drop contact and move
on.
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