Parents Should Know: Select Verbiage From You, Can Lead Children And Others, To Lie To You

 

Most naturally, when we see our children, or matter of fact, anyone in our lives (spouse, co-worker, friends), who are doing something, that they should not, we have a habit, Yes, a “habit”, of spitting out that question that sounds something like, “Did you do that ?”.  That's like a truth or dare type question !

 

Maybe you just caught …

Your child in the cookie jar, just prior to dinner.  "Did you just eat some cookies ?".

Or, co-worker at the movies, when they had called in sick.  "Did you play hookie from work ?".

Or, spouse has a new dress.  "Did you take money from the house fund ?".

 

Well ... You already know the answers to all these questions are yes, right ?!

 

Per Answers.com,” A rhetorical question tho' is a statement that is formulated as a question but is not supposed to be answered.

And though rhetorical, and though the true answer is already known, most folks asking the question, won’t allow “silence” from this individually, but most certainly is EXPECTING a reply !  I’m right ! 

Notice, I did not ask, “was I right”.  I didn’t choose to leave room for someone to ponder or give me some kind of untruth, or lie !

 

Note, whether child or adult, folks do not want to …

Disappoint you …

Upset you …

Give themselves any punishment …

Or even tell on themselves ... If they can avoid !

 

Think back when you were a kid or you got caught at something where you didn’t want to upset the other person.  Can you just hear yourself saying, “Oh, I was about to get a cookie, but then I quickly remembered what was expected of me”; or, “Rather than staying home alone and sick, I thought it might be better that I be in public, where if I got sicker, someone would be nearby that I could call on for help”; or, “I didn’t use any of our money to buy this dress, a GF gave it to me, cause she no longer liked it”.

 

 

I remember one time, at age 18, I came home from my classes at the Community College, and my mom asked me, “Are you smoking”.  Luckily, I knew not to lie over something I knew she apparently could smell, but instead, I came back with, “Are you”.

One time, when I was married, my husband, who did not drink (neither of us did), came home, and smelled like alcohol.  I asked, “Have you been drinking ?”.  Naturally, he said, “NO”.   In this case, I really didn't know and opted to take him for his word, only to learn the truth later !

 

No matter the untruth answer, asking a rhetorical question literally gives folks the opportunity to and promotes lying.  It teaches folks, that to keep you from being upset or to get out of the situation, why not try the “lie” tactic.

 

I was at a party the other day, when this same topic came up.  It was expressed, that in raising children, you are taught to “ask” the child point blank, in the form of a question.  Not sure where she may have learned that, or maybe that's ol' school !

 

This same person, then shared a situation she had with an employee (though what the employee had done was not good, and the employer may not have let her keep her job, even had she told the truth); had she been point blank, minus the form of a question with her employee, at least, this employee may not have done one more negative thing, like lie, to her employer, before being dismissed !  

 

“Make it very easy for your child to tell the truth and give him a chance to confess. ... Don't try to set your child or adolescent up to tell you a lie when you have discovered the truth”, says, Child psychiatrist and Harvard professor Robert Coles. Know that, “problem lying may cause difficulties for children at school and with their friends, as well as disrupt family life and lay the groundwork for further problems in adulthood Lying is not usually a serious problem unless it becomes habitual or compulsive. Like many problems, addressing lying early may be the most effective way of preventing it from becoming a more serious concern. ”

 

How to deal with children or adults who lie is a different subject than today’s topic.  The only thing I want to get across today, is one way for “you” not to promote lying, and that is to NOT ask a question that you already know the answer.

 

Instead, make what you know into a statement … But of course, “Don’t

stage a courtroom drama” !  Just simple like ...

I know you had some cookies.

I know you played hookie from work today.

I see you bought a new dress.

 

 “Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies.”
― Oliver Goldsmith

“At the end of the day, the questions we ask of ourselves determine the type of people that we will become.”    (From Vivian, "how others may become too !")

― Leo Babauta

“He explained to me with great insistence that every question posessed a power that did not lie in the answer.”   (From Vivian, do not help teach others to lie)
― Elie Wiesel, Night 

 

 

Do yourself a favor, and for others around you, get out of the habit of asking questions to answers you already know the answer to.  Instead, make a statement; so then you may allow the person to tell you the truth !