Why do folks cheat on their partner ?

Often, folks who are going through heart ache, ask me this questions.

 

I found this online.  “Truth about deception”.

After years of study, it basically says, there are two related explanations.  One, we’ve heard over and over, “People claim they are not happy so they look for love and affection elsewhere”.  The second reason looks more into human nature, “why is being faithful to a spouse so difficult for many people to do”.

Find these other topics in the below article:

•coming to grips with infidelity

•making the decision to cheat

•role of sexual desire

•who is likely to cheat  (specifically look at this one)

•how to prevent infidelity (know, people who are happily married are less likely to cheat)

http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/cheating-and-infidelity/why-people-cheat.html

 

From Vivian.

From listening to folks, many think it’s all natural to be married.  It can be, if you have that “automatic” type personality and true goals of marriage.  However, on the other hand, many folks do not.

Marriage is something you have to pay full attention to, just like your job !  And folks who do not, or take it all for granted, run the risk of not receiving the full value and reason for marriage !

Marriage is 110% or 200%, and it has to be from both parties.  Meaning, before you ever consider getting married, you need to decide, how much devotion you will put into it, as well as know, how your partner feels.  Cause you could choose to give it your all, and your partner does not.  So these are actually our first mistakes in choosing marriage.

There is no “I” in TEAM !  I’m not saying you can’t take out some time for yourself or they can’t.  But before you do, you need to be sure, your partner has been satisfied !

Many folks loose the closeness in marriage after being married for awhile.  This is the next mistake.  Everyday, you need to get up, and act like you’ve just met this person or just began this relationship.  But again, it takes two !

As mentioned above in the article, there are many reason partners choose to cheat.  Though this is their decision, you can help in controlling this, like the article says.  But first, hopefully you have chosen the right partner; and secondly, remember, that neither of you can afford to “not” give that marriage the percentage it deserves !

In essence, it’s like having another job.  And folks who give their job their all, need to also, give their marriage their all.  Everyday !

You give your all to your kids right ? You don't want anything hurting them. Then why not your spouse !

And if you have backsliden, in not giving your marriage it’s all, then today, needs to be a new beginning if you ever think your relationship will survive.

STOP thinking the other person needs to change.  The only person you can change is YOU !  The only person you are accountable for, is you !  And even if this person could use a lot of changing, if you change, they too, can often automatically change, from your change !

So get up off the couch.  Unless you are spending quality time with your partner, then the couch does you no good !  STOP using the words, "I Love you" and prove it; action !  Matter of fact, don't use those words for a week, and show it !  Anyone, and I mean anyone, can say I love you; but only you can prove it; by actions !

 

And, get some good books on changing you ! 

I'm not suggesting its your fault.  I am only suggesting, that it's your responsibility to prove your love through action and not words !  And don't expect the other person to change or do better if you are not being the best you can be.  If you can't give yourself an A+, then, there's some improvement that you can work on.

If you want to know where to begin this change, "think of things your partner has told you, that they don't like about you ".  Cause maybe you can't see yourself !  Besides, whether you are doing what they are saying or not, "this is how they feel".  And unless you change how they "feel", the relationship will not change !

Don’t put this off another day !  And even consider therapy or counseling or a non-biased ear, towards helping you !

And if you’re not willing to change, then choose to get out, before you, or they, do something that everyone will regret !  That's part of your responsibility too !

One more note, "grass is not greener on the other side".  If you can't get along with this one, what the heck makes you think you can make it with another.  Cause unless you change or learn to choose the right type of partners, the next one, will have you in the same "rocky boat" !  And if not the same rocky boat, a boat that could cause you drowning in your own sorrows, worse than they are today !

Good luck.  I wish you a happy marriage.  Because you can have that !

 

Be careful what you wish for ! Grass may not be greener on the other side, as you wish !

Over the last couple of weeks,  I have been with different folks, than usual, because I have been out of town.  Truly nice, from time to time, opening the door to new conversation.

Instead of a topic, I heard this statement a few times >>> “ I don’t dare wish for different, cause it could be worse “.  True !

The 1^st reference was to neighbors.  In this instance, the neighbors partied all night, with loud talking and bon fires in the yard.  The person making the statement said, “I’m afraid to wish they would move, cause the next neighbors could be worse !”,  True !

2^nd reference was to husbands.  This husband was non-thankful/greatful/appreciative and demanding.  The person making the statement said, “Not only do I not wish for a new husband, because the next one could be worse, but I would be afraid to try out another !”.  Hehehe, understandable !

 Truly grass will not always be gound greener on the other side !

I thought back of times, when I have changed something, and regretted it !  Yet, we’re told to “be open to change”.

Two latest examples that personally let to doom: 

·         Long Distance provider

·         Doctor

 

This is really why I am so skeptical of changing things.  Just lately, I was forced to get a new computer and change my cell phone provider.  Thank goodness, both of these have worked out so far (but maybe because it was a force change and not something I was led to change) !

My point … it can be simple, it can be something life changing … However, no matter, I’m sure there are many of us, who can look back in our lives, and realize, we wished for something better, only to find “worse results” !

So as they say, be careful what you wish for !

 

 

Choosing NOT to “live in fear”, can truly benefit YOU, and others around you !

Was watching Joyce Myers, this morning, whom I enjoy watching ! Her message was on “living in fear”, which seemed like a good topic for my blog today.

Google definition: 

·         * An unpleasant emotion

·         * “Caused by the belief”

·         * That someone or something

·         * Is dangerous

·         * Likely to cause pain or a threat

The definition does not say the “cause” is real.  It says, it’s a belief. And, the definition never states, that the belief comes true.

So in essence, fear is,

·        * The choosing

·         * Prior to

·         * Something actually proving that it is ever going to happen

Right ?

Yet, we tend to do it anyway !

In reality, we

·         * Bring “negative” into the picture, before that situation is due such justice !

·         * Contemplate and focus on the negative before it happens !

·         * Give negative POWER !

·         * Allow stress to come forward !

·         * Can bring about our own negative doom/destiny

And how many times, did you worry, and the negative situation never came about ? You worried and messed up on mental and physical outlook for no reason ?

And of course, we all know, there are those times, that what we fear does come true.  But if our destiny is planned, we couldn’t stop it with the worry anyway !

The point is, stress and worry give us no value in life.  It doesn’t stop the situation from happening.  And it can ultimately bring sickness to ourselves, and our stresses can most often affect others !

You need to begin by changing your outlook.  Instead of worrying that you may not get that promotion, begin with saying something positive, such as, “I know I have given my best, towards getting that promotion”.  Like Joyce said today, say this 50 times today; and do this over the next 10-12 day. 

And if the fear is in reference of not getting something you wanted, like the promotion, next add to your words, “I will be ok, if I do not get this promotion”.  My mother’s philosophy (and yes, I do tell myself this), if you do not get what you want, it does not necessarily mean something is wrong with you; maybe it’s the other person who is not yet ready !

But back to general fears:

I will not be afraid to fly; matter of fact, I’m going love it.

I will not be afraid to meet new people; matter of fact, these new folks will inspire my life or me to them.

I will not be afraid to date; matter of fact, a date does not mean marriage.

I will not be afraid to go look for a new job; matter of fact, I have a lot to offer, and that company specifically needs me.

I will not be afraid to live alone; matter of fact, I will do well with my finances, and I will enjoy some quiet time.

No matter the fear, take your fear, and write it out, like above, and finish the sentence.  And again, do as Joyce says, and repeat it 50 times during your day.  

It’s time, TODAY, to change your life around.  Do yourself, “and others”, a favor, before you drive you and EVERYONE ELSE in sane !  And that’s, by choosing to work, actively, with your personal habit of “fear promoting” !

This is just who I am. Expressions and feelings, need NOT consumer who you really are.

Over a month ago, I was beginning a new medical crash class.  We were on the topic of personalities, when one girl talked of how she gets angry extremely easily and then expressed, “That’s just who I am”.

In thinking this over, I began to wonder, does she visualize herself as a ball of anger ?  And though personality plays a part in who we are, it sounds like, her anger has the best of her; taken over who she may or could possibly be. 

Who you are, is also partly, how you feel about yourself.  As in this case, apparently, she admits, she’s an angry person.  This part is probably true.

However, this doesn’t have to make, “Who you are”, unless this is how you choose to be !

Meaning …

·         If you are angry about something, choose to deal with it, and move on.

·         If you are sad about something, choose to deal with it and move on.

·         If you have something on your chest, choose to deal with it and move on.

·         If you don’t like your job, choose to deal with it and move on.

 

What I am saying is, aspects in your life, that you either do not like or not so happy with, does not have to be “who you are”.  Either write out a goal plan in dealing with the issue or seek professional help, or reach out to a life coach (I'm not suggesting that "moving on" is simple; only that you need to deal with it and not make it "who you are").

 

Back to the lady above.  After being with this lady in class for a month, I learned that angry, was not only “not” who she was, but the true her, came out.  She was loving, caring, compassionate; on and on.  I personally was so proud, for her, to see all this !

Anger is what she had allowed herself, to not only feel and feel about herself, but she had apparently, allowed herself to be consumed by.  And possibly, others had described her this way, and she continued to say this to herself.

Anger, or anything negative, should not be, “who we are”.    It needs to be left, only as an expression of how we are feeling at the moment !